Don\u2019t walk ahead of me, I may not want to follow;
\nDon\u2019t walk behind me, I may not want to lead;
\nJust walk beside me and be my friend.<\/p>\n
WISH LIST FOR BEREAVED PARENTS I wish my child hadn't died. I wish I had her back.I wish you wouldn't be afraid to speak my child\u2019s name. My child lived and was very important to me. I need to hear that she was important to you also.<\/p>\n If I cry and get emotional when you talk about my child I wish you knew that it isn't because you have hurt me. My child\u2019s death is the cause of my tears. I wish you wouldn't \u201ckill\u201d my child again by removing her pictures, artwork, or other remembrances from your home.<\/p>\n Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn't shy away from me. I need you now more than ever. I know you think of and pray for me often. I also know that my child\u2019s death pains you, too. I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over in a short period of time. I wish you could understand that my grief will never be over.\u00a0I will suffer the death of my child until the day I die. Grief is a life long process.\u00a0I am working very hard in my recovery, but I wish you could understand that I will never fully recover.<\/p>\n I will always miss my child, and I will always grieve that she is dead. I wish you understood how my life has shattered. I know it is miserable for you to be around me when I\u2019m feeling miserable. Please be as patient with me as I am with you. I wish you knew that all of the grief reactions I\u2019m having are very normal. Please excuse me if I seem rude, certainly not my intent. Sometimes the world around me goes too fast and I need to get off. When I walk away, I wish you would let me find a quiet place to spend time alone.<\/p>\n I wish you understood that grief changes people. When my child died, a big part of me died with her. I am not the same person I was before my child died, and I will never be that person again.\u00a0I wish very much that you could understand my loss and grief, my silence and my tears, my void and my pain. BUT\u2026I pray daily that you will never understand.<\/p>\n http:\/\/bereavedandblessed.com\/resources-links\/wish-list-for-bereaved-parents\/#ixzz30iJoSeVG<\/em><\/p>\n Be there<\/strong> Acknowledge baby<\/strong> Don\u2019t minimise the loss<\/strong> Offer practical support<\/strong> Send a card\/flowers<\/strong> Don\u2019t forget Dad<\/strong> Remember special dates<\/strong> \u201cyou are young, you can always have another baby\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cit was meant to be\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cgod wouldn\u2019t give you anything you couldn\u2019t handle\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cat least you have other children\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cbe grateful for your other children\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cthese things happen for a reason\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cwill you be trying again?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cat least you didn\u2019t get attached\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cgod has a plan \u2013 this was part of it\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cyou\u2019ll get over it\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cthere must have been something wrong\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cit\u2019s for the best\u201d<\/p><\/div><\/div> I haven\u2019t had a chance to see all his pictures\u2026I would love to see them when you are up for it.\u201d<\/p>\n I\u2019m so sorry. It\u2019s just not fair. ~ There\u2019s no good reason this happened. You don\u2019t deserve this pain. I wish I could take it away from you. ~ It breaks my heart to see you suffering.<\/p>\n I am so sorry. I don\u2019t know what to say<\/p>\n I miss him too. I wish he was here with us. ~ What\u2019s your favorite memory of her? ~ What helps you feel closest to him when you miss him the most?<\/p>\n I\u2019m thankful for you. ~ I\u2019m thankful for your child. ~ I\u2019m thankful for our friendship. ~ I\u2019m thankful to witness your courage and bravery and strength.<\/p>\n I\u2019m so sorry. It\u2019s just not fair. ~ There\u2019s no good reason this happened. You don\u2019t deserve this pain. I wish I could take it away from you. ~ It breaks my heart to see you suffering.<\/p>\n I\u2019ll walk with you every step of the way<\/p>\n I am so sorry, no parent should ever lose their child<\/p>\n He was such a beautiful child<\/p>\n I am so sorry, I have no idea what you are going through right now<\/p>\n I am so sorry. You must miss him<\/p>\n I\u2019m so sorry, I don\u2019t know what to say Don\u2019t walk ahead of me, I may not want to follow; Don\u2019t walk behind me, I may not want to lead; Just walk beside me and be my friend. WISH ...continue reading
\n(Some people attribute this to having come from the Compassionate Friends organization and others to a woman named Jenny Coffey who is listed on Pregnancy.org as being the author.)<\/em><\/p>\n
\nYou have talked about my child, and you have allowed me to share my grief. I thank you for both.<\/p>\n
\nI need diversions, so I do want to hear about you; but, I also want you to hear about me.
\nI might be sad and I might cry, but I wish you would let me talk about my child, my favorite topic of the day.<\/p>\n
\nI wish you would let me know those things through a phone call, a card, note, or a real big hug.<\/p>\n
\nI wish you wouldn't expect me \u201cnot to think about it\u201d or to \u201cbe happy.\u201d Neither will happen for a very long time, so don\u2019t frustrate yourself.\u00a0I don\u2019t want to have a \u201cpity party\u201d, but I do wish you would let me grieve. I must hurt before I can heal.<\/p>\n
\nWhen I say \u201cI\u2019m doing okay\u201d, I wish you could understand that I don\u2019t \u201cfeel\u201d okay and that I struggle daily.<\/p>\n
\nDepression, anger, hopelessness and overwhelming sadness are all to be expected. So please excuse me when I\u2019m quiet and withdrawn or irritable and cranky.
\nYour advice to \u201ctake one day at a time\u201d is excellent advice. However, a day is too much and too fast for me right now. I wish you could understand that I\u2019m doing good to handle an hour at a time.<\/p>\n
\nThe thought of supporting someone whose baby has died can be frightening. Not knowing what to say can prevent you visiting them during this heartbreaking time. A time when you may be most needed. Please remember that simply being there and offering to listen can mean a lot. If you\u2019re unsure what to say, be honest \u2013 \u201cI don\u2019t know what to say\u201d can actually say an awful lot. Don\u2019t be frightened of silence \u2013 you can simply sit by them and offer a hug.<\/p>\n
\nIt does not matter if the baby died in pregnancy or lived for a short time \u2013 an entire lifetime of hopes, dreams and wishes has also gone. Do not be afraid to talk about the baby and ask questions about him\/her. It is important to use baby\u2019s name as this lets the parents know that you think the baby is special. You can ask to see photos and point out any special features. Asking about the birth may seem unnatural to you but many mothers love to tell their birth story \u2013 a mother of a baby who has died is no different. Do not try to hide your feelings of sadness \u2013 if you need to cry, allow this to happen naturally. This will only show how much you care.<\/p>\n
\nOften, what may seem comforting to you can be extremely hurtful to parents whose baby has died. Things like \u201cit was meant to be\u201d, \u201cyou are young, you can have another baby\u201d, \u201cat least you have other children\u201d, \u201cgod needed an angel\u201d etc, can say to a parent that this baby was not important. All though it may be true that another baby is possible, it is this baby that was loved and wanted. This baby was and is special and this baby will always be their child. No child can ever be replaced by another. (see below for more things not to say)<\/p>\n
\nInstead of saying \u201cjust ask if there is anything you would like me to do\u201d, you could offer to take a meal round on a particular day, or babysit (if they have other children). If you are particularly close to the family, you could offer to help with the housework\/cooking etc.<\/p>\n
\nIf you are unsure about what to write, simply say you are thinking of them. You could also send flowers for the funeral\/memorial service. Flowers that can be dried are often a good choice as these can be kept in the baby\u2019s memory box.<\/p>\n
\nFathers can often be overlooked but we need to remember that their baby died too. Fathers often feel they need to be strong for their wife\/partner and seldom feel free to grieve themselves. Let them open up to you if they need to \u2013 maybe offer to take them for a round of golf (or whatever they are interested in) and allow them to express their feelings.<\/p>\n
\nMany parents find certain days much harder than others. Their baby\u2019s Birthday, Mothers Day, Fathers Day, Christmas etc can all be painful reminders that their baby is not there. Always acknowledge the baby\u2019s birthday by sending a card. This will mean a lot to the parents. A phone call on other special days can show you care and are there to support them.<\/p>\nWhat Not To Say<\/h1>\n
\nBetter To Say<\/h1>\n
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